Christmas Cookies

I think it is clear if you have read my blog before, that I am a habitual snacker, especially of the cookie/candy/anything sweet variety. And at Christmas time at my in-laws, there is an abundance of the afore-mentioned snacks available! My mother-in-law reminded me multiple times about today being Tuesday, asking if I was still going to fast, and despite the many reminders, I still dipped my hand into the caramel popcorn (Johnson's, if you're wondering!), and almost ate one of my home-made buckeyes, without thinking. This was a reminder that a lot of my snacking, as well as a lot of other things I do are done without thinking. This verse came to mind, encouraging me to go through life with thoughtfulness, intention, and purpose.

The Word: (About the commands of God) "Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up." Deuteronomy 11:19

I will be the first to admit that the mental aspects of parenthood have been more tiring than the physical. So it is daunting to hear this verse and challenge myself to meditate on God's word all the time, in addition to monitoring and planning for the kid's needs. But I remember what I 'preached' to my clients in rehab who told me they were too tired to take part in recreational activities- that when you do something you love, the effort you put out is returned to you doubly in satisfaction and joy. I will trust that the same is true for this command of God, that putting forth the mental effort will produce the fruits of the Spirit in me instead of draining me.

Prayer: For the children of God to take seriously the Lord's call to meditate on His Word, and that it would bring refreshment and renewal in our hearts.

Food Story: It seems weird to family why I do this and I have heard some of the following things, so I will think aloud and you can share in my heart's responses as I seek to have right motives and purposes.

                It's a holiday, can't you make an exception: God's wants me to draw nearer to Him every 
                opportunity I can, not take 'holidays' off- He is greater than my worldly schedule/plans

                I just love food, I couldn't see giving it up: God is my strength and provider. Everything I have is a
                gift, I am more thankful for it when I remember those who go without. A fruit of the Spirit is self-
                control, and if I can develop self control with food, maybe it will carry over to other areas of life

                Do you eat a bigger breakfast, can you have a little snack? I'm not worrying as much about
                logistics now, it's more about remembering my connection to the Creator, Savior, and my Father,
                to remember my call from Him to love and serve.

By Your Spirit

Yesterday, as soon as I got the kids settled for nap time, I crashed on my bed for my own nap time. I woke up in a grouchy mood, and it didn't get better throughout the morning, so I thought the answer was probably just more rest- I could wake up on the other side of the bed, so to speak. But before I drifted off to sleep, I began to pray and was convicted that it was silly to think that the answer to my bad mood and lack of energy was simply checking out of the conscious world for half an hour (yes, I power nap, because it seems more powerful :). This verse came to mind, and I prayed that even though I continued with my nap, it would be the Lord's spirit that would renew me- physically and emotionally.

The Word: " 'Not by might, not by power, but by my Spirit,' says the Lord Almighty." Zechariah 4:5-7

Today I was feeling the same fatigue right after nap time, and am happy to report that I learned from my experience yesterday and started praying before laying down. I was again refreshed and renewed and did not end up sleeping today, but I had another realization too. I could have used my renwed energy for a lot of things- my to-do list is never done, anyone identify? So I could have checked multiple things off this list, but instead I was feeling convicted that the priority of my renewed energy should be for extending love and
patience to my children when they woke up, and for seeking God (reading, journaling, praying more without worry of falling asleep). This is just one example of how God is teaching me that I cannot survive by my own strength and will.

My Prayer: That the many who are feeling the fatigue of life will be renewed, and use their renewed energy to seek the Lord.

Distractions on the Path

Last night at our life group we closed our discussion of a chapter in the book "Crazy Love", with a prayer suggestion from the leader's guide, asking God to search our hearts for anything that was hindering our devotion and service to Him. The thought that most popped into my mind, even today, was TV. When I started staying  home with my kids full time, I was disappointed at first how much they dominated what was on- though I limit their shows, I also limited my shows because of certain content or just not wanting the TV to be on all day. I thought that's what stay-at-home moms got to do- watch TV and eat bon bons all day! (Just kidding- my husband told me he would leave me if I started watching soap operas). But during nap times, I enjoy being able to watch what I want, and it is almost always just background noise while I do things around the house. Recently, however, I inadvertantly set some 'goals' for myself (getting caught up on episodes of a show online, finishing the Friends series, etc.). Silly, I know, I just felt like I was so close to completing these things, I had to keep going to check them off my list. So as I was praying yesterday and today, I felt pretty strongly that in addtion to fasting from lunch today, God could work in me more if I fasted from TV watching. Now I am not taking a big stand on TV watching here, committing to any certain bans at this time (though I see good fruit produced from people who do), I am just taking a day to re-prioritize. Like fasting has had a side effect of helping me draw strength in situations of strong food cravings, I pray that this will remind me to seek God first in situations of strong cravings for other things that will distract me from time in devotion and service to God. If you didn't notice, my posts the last few weeks have been posted either later in the night on Tuesdays, or even later in the week. Sometimes there is a good reason, and last week I even turned that reason into my prayer, but mostly, it is because I have waned a little in prioritizing it, following distractions. So even though I thought it sounded like a more relaxing, enjoyable afternoon to turn on some movie, e-mail and stuff diapers (I may still have to do that part), the verse below reminded me of all of God's promises that if I really want rest, joy, peace, fulfillment, and a straight path in life, it is only found in Him.

THE WORD:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:5-6

PRAYER:
I pray that the way I spend my day and prioritize 'tasks', reflects my inward trust and desire for God to work in and through me.

Sending More Than Christmas Cards

Tuesday during the time where I normally pray and blog, I got started putting together and sending out our Christmas letters. Time just got away from me because I was enjoying it so much, and before I knew it, the kids were up from nap time, and I didn't make the time again until today. Earlier in the day as I was praying, listening for promptings about how to direct my prayers and fasting, I thought about these Christmas letters and how excited I was to share about all of the great things we have seen God do in our lives this past year, and how grateful we are. I have heard many people say, as I have in the past, how much stress there can be surrounding sending out Christmas cards, decorating, hosting/going to parties, seeing family. And though I apologize to God for not setting aside time for my regular prayer and expression (blog), I am thinking that maybe God wanted me to send out those letters on Tuesday, proclaiming with joy the coming celebration of the birth of our Lord, Jesus Christ, and how he is continually touching our lives. It didn't feel like a chore to do this year, and I pray that our joy, love, and gratitude will be felt in each letter as it arrives to our family and friends. This was a reminder again that...

"Whatever you do, in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, givng thanks to God the Father through Him." Col. 3:17

Prayer: That we as Christians would take the time to proclaim in word and deed, that Jesus has come- to save, to give abundant life, to break us free from the many chains that bind us, even during this season of joy.

Wisdom

The small group of high school ladies I used to lead inspired me to start memorizing James this morning, having finished a fall Bible Study cirriculum. Reading chapter one multiple times, verse 5 really stuck out to me:

The Word: "If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault"

I honestly think it stuck out to me because I want it- and really honestly, I think I want it like Adam and Eve wanted it. I pictured myself knowing what to do in every situation, thinking God had given me a special gift of ministry beign just like Him in the world today- you know...meek, mild, humble, WISE! I volunteer, God, to be your voice whenever there is a disagreement of any kind- lead these other un-wise people here on earth. (Are you catching my sarcastic tone?) I realized I needed to pray today about what true wisdom means, and I got some good counsel when I read "Knowing God" by Packer. I flip it open at the gym and just happen to be on the chapter titled "God's Wisdom and Ours"- coincidence- I think not! Packer uses two transportation analogies to differentiate what wisdom is and is not. He says we are not taken into the 'switchboard room of New York station' and revealed the providential meaning and purpose of the events around us, how God responds and what He is going to do next, rather we are drivers in cars, following set paths. It is not for us to question why the road bends in a certan way, or another driver maneuvers the way they do, but wisdom enables us to see and do the right thing in situations as we drive. Packer also emphasizes the point that wisdom comes from knowing God (hmmm, book title reference?), and part of seeking wisdom is not about my own sort of moral/relational experiments to determine the best outcomes, it is about seeking Him and opening myself up to be changed and directed by Him!

Prayer: To seek God, who is only wise, and be transformed in heart and mind to be more like Him- including being wise.

Food Story: I got home from the gym with my kids and opened the refrigerator to decide what to make for lunch and I saw a few Thanksgiving leftovers that I was really excited to eat. When I remembered it was Tuesday, I was genuinely sad....but I noticed that the feeling didn't last long. I used to have this late realization often (I am a forgetful person), and the disappointment would last all day. One thing I think fasting is teaching me is to not hold on too strongly to earthly desires- food, an event, a plan. Now, I look for and see the joy that is beyond the immediate desire. Thank you, God, for this discipline of fasting, as a symbol of a lot of deeper things you want to discipline in me!

Still at Work

In case you missed it, I want to fess up that I didn't post last Tuesday. I fasted and prayed but honestly, sadly, nothing was really coming to mind that I felt I could write a few sentences about. All day long I tried to be observant about what was going on around me, read various things, talked to friends, etc. I waited till evening to post, hoping something of great substance would come to mind, and when nothing did, thought I should pray more and sleep on it, surely something would come to mind in the morning...and now it is a week later. Over the weekend I was convicted of this being a 'lukewarm' attitude while reading Crazy Love by Francis Chan. I was not approaching prayer as though it mattered- not believing God in what he says about prayer: it is powerful and effective, He hears it, desires it from us, changes us. This was a great reminder about my attitude and am repenting of my lack of passion and reverence. While I am keeping this in mind more today, I do not consider last week to be a waste, because I trust that even when I fail, God, the author and perfecter of my faith, is still working in me.

The Word: Philippians 1:6 "Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus"

I guess I can't finish this blog without reflecting and recording on thoughts about the Penn State news right now, though I have read so many others that I doubt what I think or feel is new. Relating it to the verse today, I am reminded that God is here, He was there, and will be there- when His children were, and have at many other times, been taken advantage of. He is watching our justice system at work, often times so far from how He will carry out justice. He will be there when these types of injustices continue to happen. We push God farther from us, fail to acknowledge our sinful nature, and weigh right and wrong by the world's standards instead of God's, and we are all suffering the consequences.

Prayer: For glimpses of justice on earth as it will be in Heaven. At the same time,recognizing our own sin and praising God for being so patient with us, desiring that all should be saved,
instead of treating us as our sins deserve.

Food note: I usually limit myself to only fluids on Tuesdays, but at the grocery store today I bough apple cider. I have been wanting buy some for over a month now and just gave in since it was on sale. Today is the hungriest I remember being in the last few months, so after I enjoyed a small glass of apple cider, I realized how much more filling and satisfying it was than other drinks and was tempted to pour another glass. I think for today at least though, I better turn back to just water and not shy away from that feeling of hunger, reminding me that God wants to work in me in many ways.

Isaiah 58

In a magazine, I recently heard about live58.org, a movement to end poverty by really living out Isaiah 58. The first thing I did when I heard about this was to of course read Isaih 58. I could talk a lot about this chapter because it has to do with true fasting, but I am still very much praying over it and discerning how to apply it to Sundays, Tuesday fast, And life in general. But one verse in particular came up during today's fast:

The Word:
Isaiah 58:7
"Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter- when you see the naked, to clothe them"

Today I was getting my haircut, fixing a car problem, and generally just having an enjoyable afternoon to myself, thanks to my mom for babysitting during nap time! Normally, on an afternoon out like this, I would really make it a special day and treat myself to some fancy drink, cookie, etc. like they had at the mall where I was getting my hair cut. I paced by the delicious-smelling shop for a while, thinking how rare an occasion this was, I was out of town, no one would know or care if just had one little (or giant) colorful cookie...except
God. And He is really the one who matters. It's not about me being a person who keeps my
commitments, shows restraint, or feels good about myself, it's about growing closer to God and
truly believing that God satisfies. I walked away strengthened in the faith, but still
thought about Isaiah 58 in the sense that true fasting is not about giving something up, it is
about loving and serving others. So after I got my haircut, I pulled out my mom's credit card (thanks for the treat mom!), and I added the tip she said she normally gave. Out of great
thankfulness for her generosity, the peacefulness in the day, general gratitude to God for
drawing me to Himself, especially on this day, I added some money to bless her that I would
have spent on that giant cookie, or something else. I doubt that I was making the difference between her having clothes or food, but if we, as Christians, start truly living in this grateful, generous spirit, many others will be blessed and God will be glorified.

Prayer: For our thankfulness and devotion to God to translate to blessing others and bring Heaven to earth!

God Takes the Interstate

I drove to Ohio this past week to spend some time with family, and this time of prayer and fasting has reminded me that God truly is here with us all, as He is back in PA, though I don't have my usual morning devotional times, weekly Life Group, women's Bible Study, Church family, prayer time with my husband, etc... I have also been seeing how my prayer life is being transformed. For instance, Monday night I was laying in bed praying about how to direct the next day's prayers and fasting, and also about a big decision we were trying to make about purchasing a new vehicle. I 'said my prayer', followed by 'Amen'. Then I proceeded to continue, saying 'God, I am still so anxious about this car decision, will you help me to relax and trust in you, knowing that you will make the whole process work if You want it to'. Wait, I told myself, I said 'amen', the prayer is over....but I am learning that God still hears, and I want Him to hear, so I will direct my thoughts, desires, confessions to Him- praying at all times. This was a helpful realization because during my Tuesday, I was driving all around the state of Ohio looking at vehicles. And even though I was tempted to let this situation take over all of my thoughts, I forced myself to dig deeper for something to pray for others for. I have been informed that October is National pregnancy and Infancy loss awareness month. To be honest, I would normally skim over titles like this, saying to myself that every month is _____ awareness month for so many things, and they aren't really 'my thing'...I know that sounds a little heartless, but I think people who have experienced the situations are usually the best at rallying support and educating others anyway. But especially lately, there have been more than a dozen women/families in our lives that have experienced loss of pregnancy at various stages. more than a dozen!!! I know a lot of people, but that is still a staggering number! I thought maybe this should become 'my thing'. How would Jesus respond- what was His thing/things that he really fought for, felt passionately about?

The Word: Phil 4:8
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure,whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."


Jesus was involved in children's issues, homeless ministry, issues of starvation, disabilities, politics.... (I could think of more, but it's late)


So I am praying that instead of thinking of things so compartmentalized, I will join with god in anything that celebrates truth, nobility, righteousness, purity, lovely, and admirable, like a month that supports women and families who have experienced loss of life, which God never intended to happen. 

How Frail I am

I am posting late tonight, because after a wonderful morning saying goodbye to some visitors, getting the kids a late lunch and to nap time, then taking a short rest, I had a choice to make-either posting on this blog(which sounded fun and energizing), or actually praying for what I am posting about tonight...the fate we all share- death. I chose to pray, reminding me again that today is about connecting with God and being more deeply rooted in Him. This blog is great accountability and hopefully good encouragement for others, but it's not the point. The relative I have been praying for has passed on from this earth, and I was talking to Matt about what it would be like to get the news like he did, that I would only live for 2 days to 3 weeks. What would I do, say, would I have the faith to glorify God not only in life but also in death? And as I was searching for verses for this relative's memorial service, I came across this verse and remembered that I have been given that same death sentence, just maybe with a little longer range...maybe:

The Word:
Psalm 39: 4-7 "Lord, make me to know my end, and what is the measure of my days, That I may know how frail I am. indeed, you have made my days as handbreadths, and my age is as nothing
before you; certainly every man at his best state is but vapor. Surely every man walks about like a shadow;surely they busy themselves in vain; he heaps up riches, and does not know who
will gather them. And now, Lord, what do I wait for? My hope is in you."

After a wonderfully full weekend with our friends, I was finding myself still getting a little stressed after day 5 out of my normal routine- not getting up early to spend time quietly before the Lord, spending more time than usual getting the kids ready for things, being out of the house, cleaning up more, etc. I needed an attitude change, but I ws trying to will it to happen, telling myself I am a 'better' person than that, that I should be a better host for our friends, and enjoy the last day together without any negative attitudes (even though these are friends I can be totally real with and know they still love me). Even comparing my life to my now widowed aunt brought no change in attitude (reminiscent of Eccelesiastes right!). But reading this verse was a great reminder of so many things 1: I shouldn't think of myself more highly than I ought- I'm not better than anything...especially not immune to my sinful heart nature to be selfish, ungrateful, grudging giver. 2: I don't know how many days I have, I should not expect anything, take anything for granted, enjoy each moment. 3: look at my motivations for what I do- am I trying to heap up some riches that I can't take with me out of this world? 4: what is my hope, or more appropriately, in whom who is my hope?

Prayer: Continued comfort for our aunt, for all of us to realize our own frailty, put our hope
in The One who holds eternity.

Food Story: We went to The Original Waffle Sop here in State College with our friends late this morning, and I totally felt like I was cheating my fast because I only had one waffle but still wasn't hungry until like 2 in the afternoon...yum waffle shop, still remembering God in times of hunger or fullness.

A change of plans, but not really

For a few different reasons I ended up donating plasma this morning, which for the past couple weeks I avoided so I would not confuse hunger symptoms wth any actual medical problems. In addition, I forgot that I had made a play date with a neighbor and her daughter, and she so kindly made us all lunch afterward, which I felt would be rude to refuse. Hmmm, so where does that leave me this Tuesday afternoon, when I am supposed to be reporting here about my prayer and fasting experience today? I thought first about just waiting until tomorrow to fast, pray and post, or about praying and posting today and fasting tomorrow, or just waiting until next Tuesday, etc. Even though this produced some extra mental and emotional 'strain', I realized I am thinking about this for such a good reason- having a wonderful neighbor/friend, friend for my children, a generous meal, good conversation....which just has to lead me to praise God- whether I planned to pray or not, it is just happening. And this praise happened to lead me to what I felt on my heart to pray about since last night, hearing about a tragic loss some friends are experiencing. I am by nature a very social person, love talking and hanging out with new people, learning new things, but sometimes I catch myself thinking that it is all for MY benefit- what can this person/organization offer me, it is 'worth' my time. When I heard about this situation with our friends, I was reminded of God's purposes for friendship:

The Word: "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his companion." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Are you having flashbacks from a recent wedding? I have definitely come to believe that we need more than just our spouse in this world, because as we become more and more 'one', we will be grieved by the same things, possibly fall into the same traps, and need good friends to keep pushing us along in our labor, and lift us up. Good relationships do take a lot of work, vulnerabilty, honesty, etc. but they are so important in good times and bad. Thank you friends!

Prayer: For our new but dear friends in their tragedy- may you feel that God loves you, hears you, has not forsaken you. Thank you for sharing with us so we can grieve with you, love you, and uplift you.

Food: With all of the 'schedule changes' today, I am choosing to continue to pray (and post obviously) today, and wait until next Tuesday to fast. It was a good reminder that prayer and fasting is not just missing a meal. Today my heart is still deeply longing for comfort and healing for our friends, even with a full stomach because of great friends.

The day after vacation

We traveled home from vacation yesterday, so today was that first day home...you know...the day where you need to do 4 loads of laundry, put away bags, review schedules for the week, inventory the fridge and cupboards, etc. So today also being fasting day, I am a little torn between taking time to really be in prayer and completing all of these chores. But there is something so pressing on my heart today that I know it is ok if some things around the house wait until tomorrow- marriage. There is a couple we know of (and many others I'm sure we do not know of) that are struggling in their marriage, to the point of being ready to end it. I don't think it is for me to weigh in on whether it is right or wrong to end the marriage, based on the circumstances, instead praying for God to show us His will. We know that God loves unity, and is the One who brings unity to a marriage even if the couples are not believers in Him, but I read Hosea today and was struck by how God might also use the brokenness of marriages to His Glory too.


Hosea 1

 2 When the LORD began to speak through Hosea, the LORD said to him, “Go, marry a promiscuous woman and have children with her, for like an adulterous wife this land is guilty of unfaithfulness to the LORD.” 3 So he married Gomer daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son.
 4 Then the LORD said to Hosea, “Call him Jezreel, because I will soon punish the house of Jehu for the massacre at Jezreel, and I will put an end to the kingdom of Israel. 5 In that day I will break Israel’s bow in the Valley of Jezreel.”

 6 Gomer conceived again and gave birth to a daughter. Then the LORD said to Hosea, “Call her Lo-Ruhamah (which means “not loved”), for I will no longer show love to Israel, that I should at all forgive them.

 8 After she had weaned Lo-Ruhamah, Gomer had another son. 9 Then the LORD said, “Call him Lo-Ammi (which means “not my people”), for you are not my people, and I am not your God.[b]

 10 “Yet the Israelites will be like the sand on the seashore, which cannot be measured or counted. In the place where it was said to them, ‘You are not my people,’ they will be called ‘children of the living God.’

I love that last verse. God reminds the people of Isreal, through Hosea and Gomer, that even in their unfaithfulness, and His anger, that He will redeem them and bring them into His family forever. So maybe when we see things on earth that are not as God intended them to be, like divorce, it can remind us of our need for a new heaven and earth, where things ARE as God intended them to be.

Prayer: For all marriages to be strengthened, but especially for a certain one in turmoil right now. Can anything be done God? Do you want to use to do anything in the situation God?

Make the Most of Every Opportunity

Another rainy afternoon tempts me to just curl up on the couch and let the day pass by. But again I am thankful for the prompting to start this blog which keeps me accountable to God's call to:

"Be very careful then, how you live- not as unwise, but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, for the days are evil. Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is." Ephesians 5:17

So if you just got all excited because you think I am going to tell you that I have the Lord's will all figured out, sorry to disappoint you. But that's part of the beauty in dedicating this day to hearing from Him about His plan for me, all of the world, and the world to come. I am also realizing that maybe the bigger questions regarding my future are not really as important in God's will as the day to day decisions, character building opportunities, interactions with others, etc. And since there are countless of these seemingly small instances throughout the day, I can see why this verse talks about making decisions carefully and making the most of every opportunity.

Prayer: In addition for praying that Spirit would continue to prompts me to live in this spirit of seizing every moment, I pulled out this pamphlet on my bookshelf called "A voice for the voiceless" and am starting to pray for one of the global issues of injustice each day, because I know that God wants to take every prayer as an opportunity to free these people from evil days.

Food Note: (I am trying to deepen the focus of my prayer and fasting posts but I still think some of the funny or interesting things associated with going without a meal are fun or encouraging to read, so I will put them here at the end, ok?) I am so glad I moved my plasma donating day to Wednesday this week. I still feel hungry and probably need another glass of water to keep some light-headedness away, but now I know it is just associated with my body being so spoiled with my normal eating habits. I am not worrying about any medical side effects, but using the hunger again to drive me towards praise, thanks, and hunger for righteousness.

The's no such thing as 'me' time

As usual, it's nap time in my house as I write this, and I usually think of the quiet, uninterrupted hours of sleeping or (pretend sleeping in the case of my 2 year old) as 'me' time. But today, before I even really cleaned up from lunch or straightened up the house, a neighbor of mine 'had the nerve' to knock on my door and ask if he could hang out for a couple of hours because he was locked out of his house. I welcomed him in immediately, but then started to feel a little strange...Bailey was still barking at him (she's our energeti c Jack Russel if you didn't know), I became more embarrassed of the messy house the more I looked around, and so my thoughts turned from welcoming mode to problem solving mode. I asked if he had checked with the office about letting him in, citing various policies from our past apartment complexes. He said he had not tried, and stood right up to go check, saying he would Accept the invitation to come back if there was any kind of fee. 10 minutes went by and he didn't return, so I ventured over to the office to check on him (I did lock myself out a lot at our old place, so it couldn't hurt to see what the policy was, and get the mail). He was there and said they had given him a key to get in, and even remembered something he had forgotten to do that would take some time anyway. So while I know I would have been happen if I were him to get back into my apartment, I know that I did not welcome him with the heart that Jesus calls us to when He says,

"Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers or sisters of mine, you did for me....and whatever you did not do for one of the least of these brothers or sisters you did not do for me." Matthew25:40, 45

My actions are hitting me especially hard because this is the second request from this same neighbor that I have pretty much redirected...tried to help, but reservedly. When we first moved into this new complex, we made a point of trying to connect with each of our neighbors, offering baked goods (my favorite), help moving, seeping and cleaning, etc. So that we truly could present ourselves as neighbors who wanted to know them, serve them, and love them. But when someone really had a need (or two), how did I respond...selfishly, because it was 'me' time, or was inconvenient.

So today I am praying to have a heart that is open to serve and love anyone, anywhere...because God seems to do His best work in and through the unexpected, don't you think?

p.s. I am feeling very lethargic and quite nauseous again today, after my second day donating plasma. As much of a blessing as it is to help us save up for Christmas presents, I made a choice to move the day I donate next week so that I could keep the commitment to prayer and fasting on Tuesdays and still provide for my physical needs on donating days.

Coming up with something when I'm coming down with something

I think I'm coming down with something...darn, now I said it, now it's actually going to happen. Maybe I was just feeling a lack of energy because I woke up half an hour earlier than usual, or because I donated plasma for the first time, or that it finally stopped raining and my allergies are not loving being back at the park, but I was just having one of those days where I felt like I couldn't wake up- can you identify? I decided to break a lot of 'rules' I have set for myself, some discussed n earlier posts- a big one being to fast from lunc (kind of the point of this blog, I know!) Having a very early breakfast and donating plasma for the first time, I felt like it was necessary to have something- not to fill my belly and be comfortable, but just to make sure I wasn't going to collapse and be alone with my kids. I fixed some turkey on half a piece of bread- tried to not put too much effort into it, not plan out some delicious feast or anything, just enough. I also began looking forward to the kid's nap time so I could partake as well, but this is fairly common and I usually tell myself how important it is to be fully present in prayer during the day. But...today I let myself take a nap (I didn't really have to go far, I had played with the kids on the floor laying down most of the morning anyway, since I didn't feel like I had the energy to sit up). Again, just trying to partake in the minimum, I set an alarm for 30 minutes and made myself get up after that, not really feeling that refreshed. In all of this, I may have been more prayerful than normal, asking God for his strength, forgiveness, whatever the day needed, etc. I felt a true relance on God for strength for myself, but still wanted my prayers to bless others today, so when we left the house after nap time, I heard these words:

"The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint."
Isaiah 40:28-31

So even if I did not feel enough strnegth to soar, run, or walk too much today, I still felt God's power increasing the love in me at the park this afternoon as I prayed for each other mom, dad, and child that I saw. I'm sure many were as tired as I was, or feeling grounded, weary, faint, in some other way. I pray that they would know the Lord - the Everlasting God- because I have learned by now that even with all my 'rules' and my own will, even other's great support, I will still grow weary, but my Defender never slumbers!

Sparkle or Shine

I was writing some letters to my 'Sparklers' small group ladies last night (hello, if you're reading :), and was thinking about how much I missed them, and miss how leading this group encouraged me to:

"Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds, and praise your Father in Heaven." Matthew 5:16

Today I wrote on my husband's lunch napkin, 'Let's find ways to let our light shine!' It sounded a little silly coming out, and I wondered why- not saying the Bible can't be silly, I think God has a great sense of humor! But I think this was more because we expect youth to be outgoing, take risks, share their faith, invite friends...but adults get in rutts of waking up (tired and worn out), going to work (where they'd rather be doing something else), come home (tired), spend some tme in our own comfortable homes, and go to bed (tired). On good days, we may comment to each other how we saw God at work around us and delighted in it, or went the whole day without getting angry with anyone. The real command here, though, is not just to make it through daily life, keeping to ourselves and making the best lives we can, it's to be actively shining light into the darkness of this world.

My prayer today is for us as the Church, including me, to be encouraged to shine brightly to bring Heaven to earth!

Answering a Call

Ever since last Tuesday when so many of you responded to my public announcement about this blog, I have be looking forward to today, praying all week for God to speak and give me ears to hear what He wants me to learn and accomplish through me today by prayer and fasting. All week long I have felt the same call to continue to plan (physically, mentally, emotonally, spirtually) for adoption. I thought of so many of you who are 'following', and the wisdom you can provide about coming from homes that have adopted, have adopted children already, support other orphan care, etc. I know very little about the whole process, but I know that the foundation for any adoption will need to be on our Rock, so I figured I better bring Him into the process at the beginning (I know, silly of me to think, like He hasn't already been here and planned our path since before time began!), by really seeking him in prayer and fasting today. I planned all week to ask you all to provide any insight you can offer, pray with us that God would show us what He has prepared when the time is right, and helpful ways to start the process- books you read, people you talked to, things you didn't expect, good questions to ask/things to consider, etc. But this morning when I woke up and started praying again for the day, the same topic came to mind, only this time I started thinking about what might actually happen if I prayed and wrote about this (since there are actually people reading- yay!). People may respond and I would have read lots of e-mails and write them back, I will have to read some books they recommend, or make appointments at adoption centers, look at certain websites...this seemed like a lot of work. 'God, are you sure there's not something simpler I can pray for today?'.

"What man of you, having anbundred sheep, if he loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the wilderness, and go after the one which is lost until he finds it?...Or what woman, having ten silver coins, if she loses one coin, does not light a lamp, sweep the house, and search carefully until she finds it?...(the lost son) arose and wen to his father. But when he was still a great way off, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him" Luke 15

So Jesus reiterates three times that He doesn't just sit around and wait for us wander to Him and ask to become part of his family- he knocks, he searches, he clears away, he runs. I am so grateful that God did not leave me lonely, dirty, or homeless, because I was a lot of work. It makes me think of the child/children God may see in the world who is waiting to be found and brought into a family, giving them a glimpse of how God grafted us into His family. So today I was especially praying that God would help me listen for what His will is for our family, but also to be willing to 'get dirty' and put in some work to carry out what God is calling us to.

As evidenced by this blog, I did push away my own complacency, desire for comfort and ease, and to pray and fast about adoption. So if you have any insight, like I discussed above, please respond- I am ready to do some work!

Shake Me Up

I was folding laundry earlier this afternoon when I felt the ground start to tremble beneath me. It was not a scary, the sky is falling trembling, more like a fun 'wiggling'. Since it persisted for about 30 seconds straight, I thought it was fair to assume that this was more than just our upstairs neighbors or a large piece of farm equipment coming down our street. My suspicions were confirmed after texting friends and family and talking to a few people outsde- I had just been in my first (hopefully my last, I guess) earthquake!  This Tuesday fast has been wonderful in helping me start the day off with a great sense of purpose, praying for God's spirit to be present and lay on my heart needs of others. But today I was just not that energized. The kids and I were out most of the morning and by the time they laid down for their naps, I was definitely feeling like joining them. Before I could, however, I decided it made sense to fold and put away the laundry that was scattered all over the living room- the couch, the drying racks, the floor- you know how it is! I had this sort of ho-hum attitutude about it and since I was starting to get hungry I was just looking forward to a nice nap to relax and pass the time until dinner. Now I'm not saying that God sent this 6.0 earthquake from VA to DC just to stir me up, but after this event, I didn't feel like sleeping any more. I was just in awe of the world, felt connected to others on this planet in other places where people felt it, and my strength was renewed. Then this verse came to mind:

"This day is holy to our Lord. Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength" Neh 8:10

Next time I am feeling ho-hummish about my day, I may try and create a spirtual earthquake of sorts- looking all around, seeing creation in a whole new powerful way, feeling connected to my neighbors, and drawing in the renwed joy and strength that I know God wants to provide. He drew me back to Him in prayer and blogging, and entered into mundane tasks to fill them with joy.

God tells us in His Word that he draws people to himself, but it also tells us to seek him with all of our heart and we will find Him. I am thanksful to God for stirring in my heart, and pray that this blog is just one way I am trying to respond and seek Him more deeply. But up to this point, I have not told anyone that I have been writing it- I think my two followers happened upon it by accident and stuck around- yay! But I think that welcoming more family and friends to read this blog could 'shake me up' even more, destroy compacency by increasing accountability, expand my scope of prayer and view of God at work in the world, and maybe inspire other ho-hummers to really seek after God with me- through prayer, fasting, or otherwise. So if this is the first entry you are reading- thank you and welcome! Please consider yourself on this journey with me by responding in any way you feel led- questions, prayer requests, funny stories of your own, thoughts on fasting, writing tips, etc. This blog and I are a work in progress, but we're havng fun!

How to Pray

(Quick side note before I get to the 'real entry'. I confess that my favorite show of all time continues to be 'Friends', and I enjoy watching our DVD series any down time I get. With fasting on Tuesdays, I often feel like I have more 'down' time, hence, more 'Friends'. I turned an episode on even as I sat to write this entry and found that it took me about 10 minutes before I even typed the first word. Now I'm not saying that 'Friends' won't be back on in a little while as I complete some necessary chores, but I was reminded not to consider 'down time' on these days as something to be filled with activity that just passes the time, but to actually be in prayer, and ponder in my heart how this prayer and fasting is changing my heart and mind too- so I think I will make silence during this 'writing' time a priority. Thanks for listening, now on to what I was really intended to write about today)

You would think that if I started a blog about prayer and fasting, I should know something about praying, right? Well I wrote before that there are a lot of 'mountains' in my life that I thought only serious prayer and fasting could 'move', and today I am praying for one of those- a seriously ill, almost to the point of death, extended family member. And I have been hunbled to admit today that when it really counts in these tough instances, I am at a loss as to how to actually pray for him. I started with simply 'Thy will be done', but thought I was shorting his wife a bit, admitting that if it were my husband in this situation I would be fervently praying for healing, with just a touch of 'Thy will be done'. To be honest, I don't know this relative very well so it is hard to feel strongly one way or another whether God would be more glorified through him in death, or in life, but one thing I do know is, that is what God wants- to be glorified. I know too, that he has not yet known Jesus in any sense- Savior, Lord, Creator, Friend, despite being lovingly pursued by Him- so I am praying for that too.  It still all doesn't really add up to much, I feel, in the way of a 'good prayer', until I remember this verse:

"We do not know what we ought to prayer for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us wth groans that words cannot express" Romans 8:26

I feel convicted that sometimes I am trying too hard to think of and pray to solve the problems I feel I should pray/fast for on these Tuesdays, instead of simply dedicating myself to prayer- an actual interchange between myself and the Spirit of the Lord, letting Hm decide where my prayer is most needed in the world.

Praying For:  God to speak to us about how to pray...specifically in times of sickness and death, and especially for my relative.

Put Down the Memory Verse Cards

I had a great opportunity today to have a new friend's daughter join us for lunch. While I was cooking and serving them food, I thought it was the perfect set-up for fasting because I didn't have to worry about getting myself food, trying to eat in between their requests, hurrying to finish before they were ready to play again, etc. My daughter invited me to sit at the table with them, which made me happy- I know there will be a time, especially in front of a friend, that she will not want me to join them. But after sitting for probably less than 30 seconds and taking one happy deep breath, I started to feel idle- I wasn't getting anything done, two kids are eating happily and I could be accomplishing something right now. So I grabbed one of my stacks of memory verse cards and went back to the table to go through them. Sounds wonderful and innocent enough, right? I honestly do believe that I should hide God's word in my heart, that I might not sin against him, to remember his faithfulness, etc., but today I sensed His Sprit saying that I was keeping my mind too busy to really hear and respond to God's call to pray for others.

"Watch and Pray, lest you fall into temptation. " Matthew 26:41

Temptation doesn't have to mean the really obvious bad things I have heard or read about, or my own worst sin, it can also be a temptation to seek my own agenda and not leave room for God to move in and through me. I love this weekly fast because it is special time set aside to teach me about watching and praying.  I wake up expecting God to speak to me about how to pray for and ecnourage others or seek him more deeply. Today I decided to put away my memory verse cards until later, and enjoyed watching God in these precious little children and in pictures of our friends who are missionaries in Turkey on our wall. My prayers today are for these friends who are expecting another child and in need of playdates like I had the opportunity to have today.

The Back-Up Plan

Do you ever have those days where you feel like you're running on auto-pilot? Usually I am thankful for this setting and appreciate getting plenty of work done without having to direct each action. So I took the kids out for our usual picnic lunch, brought them back for reading and nap times, then went to the fridge, prepared a nice lunch and and ate it while watching The Family Feud. After cleaning up from the morning, my brain finally started to think again about what to do for the afternoon and I remembered- it's Tuesday! Shoot, now my brain went into overdrive- feeling bad for not keeping my committment, ashamed at just being so forgetful in general, etc. I thought about just forgetting the day all together and waiting until next week, skipping dinner instead...or I could fast from something else this afternoon. I decided not to turn on the TV all afternoon in order to pray and meditate on God's Word while completing chores and other tasks this day.

"I have swept away your offenses like a cloud, your sins like the morning mist. Return to me, for I have redeemed you.”  Isaiah 44:22

I knew God did not want me to dwell on my 'offense', but still, like every other day, to serve and love him! The lack of TV was a sacrifice for me and I know that God understood that and I hope found joy in that offering. But this verse came to me in another sense later in the day too. If you know me, you know I have a bad habit of hitting myself on anything and everything as I walk by it. So as it happens many times a day, I kicked a toy as I walked to let our dog out, and harsh words start coming to my mind, some pouring out of my mouth. I felt very negative- about the incident, about myself, and about my reaction. Again I had a lot of options- just forget about it, try again tomorrow to fight my quick temper, justify my actions, apologize to my kids who saw my overreaction, etc. I thought of this verse because I hear many Christians, including myself sometimes, say/think that they have never had that 'big conversion' experience, making it harder to share the Gospel with others. To that I say that times like today are my real conversion experiences- each little choice/failure/poor decision/joy- can be an opportunity to come to God and praise Him. So my prayers today are that we would have the courage to face these important conversion experiences and no matter what the outcome, to return to God - repent if necessary, but praise and rely on Him for each situation.

Be Still

7-26-11 Yay, it's Tuesday and I'm actually posting about the fast today- hopefully this is the start of a good habit. I pray that it will honestly help me to process and deepen the cries of my heart, increase connection with the Spirit, and refocus my attention on Him no matter what the rest of the day has held. To be honest, this afternoon was quite busy and there were still a lot of details I needed to take care of associated with our move, but this morning, before I actually missed a meal, before hunger set it, I felt the presence of the Spirit. I prayed early in the morning about what to focus my prayers and thoughts on today, and I sensed the Lord saying to me

"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10

When I started this discipline of fasting, I had this sense that I was accomplishing something. I am the type of person who weighs the pros and cons of even the smallest tasks before completing them. ie.should I pick up that toy? It will take a lot of energy and muscle to bend over and get it, will I likely step on it later today, will it hurt if I step on it, will it be a good lesson for my daughter to pick it up instead, she's going to be up soon and then there will just be more toys.....and on. So according to my personality, I must think that I, the world, or God am benefting more than the costs of my fasting, so it is worthwhile. But I was struck by this verse and reminded of a book title a pastor once described in a sermon- Prayer: A Royal Waste of Time. We are so rushed as human beings today that it seems logical to cut out any unnecessary activity, but I sensed today that God just wanted me today- just to spend time with me, for me to think about Him, see Him in the world, in others. I felt such joy and freedom in this, so my prayer today is simply acknowledging and praising God in and for all things.

Prayer in PA

7/19/11 ~ I apologize if all of my posts today have been confusing and/or annoying. The story is that when I decided to start this Blog, I was finishing up work, packing to move, and moving, so I wrote down my experiences on paper (old school, I know) and am now settled in, transferred everything here, and am recommitting myself to actually post every Tuesday (at least I'll try!). So my family moved to PA, and there are a lot more mountains here than in southern Michigan, so this verse from Micah really stood out to me.

"The mountains melt beneath him, the valleys split apart" Micah 1:4

During the sermon at church this past Sunday, the pastor described that phenomenon when you get a new car and then start to see that kind of car everywhere, and how doing the same thing with God can increase our gratefulness. This verse started helping me notice things like the mountains and valleys- and how much greater still God is. Today's prayers during my fast were centered around noticing anything and everything I could to praise God for His works, His faithfulness, His love, anything.

Not About Me

So far the majority of my posts have been about things that I have experienced or thought about while fasting one meal each week. I have liked that they often come out funny, that I really am learning more about myself and my Lord, but today I was praying for such an important issue on my heart, that nothing really stuck out that affected me.

"He must become greater, I must become less" John 3:30

Today reminded me of what I guess I have always known, but rarely like to admit- life is not about me. Do I really love other people enough to pray for them selflessly all day and not worry about my own hunger, or temptations, or discomfort, or schedule. My prayer is for an important broken relationship in my family, that I know only God's intervention can mend. I was reminded that really God is directing everything and everyone for His purposes. May His will be done in this relationship, but I pray that I would continue in the spirit of caring more about Him and His will than me.

Sing a New Song

If you know me, you know I like to sing. I sing at church, for weddings, in the shower, maybe karaoke, stuff like that. And like many other people, I like to sing in the car to the radio. I was in and out of the car a lot today, running errands like crazy before work, after work, trying to get my kids picked up on time, all of that. I realized that I was rushing from one thing to another, being distracted, and not focused on any type of prayer or devotion today- even when I got into the car, the radio would immediately begin and I would start singing along out of habit, maybe tapping my hands nervously on the steering wheel (but to the beat of course). This kind of life is really exhausting- I don't think this is how God wants me to live.

"Look out not only for your own interests, but for the interests of others" Philippians 2:4

If I had seen anyone in need today, though I doubt I really saw anyone, I probably would have said to myself, 'any other time, God, but I am really in a hurry today'. The thing is, this is my life most days, so when would I have time to see other's needs and respond to them as God's body? My prayers today focused on simplifying life. I prayed for God to remind me that my worth is not defined by how much I get done in a day, how to prioritize, and set reasonable expectations so that my daily schedule leaves plenty of time to look out not only for my own interests, but for the interests of others. One other funny thing happened after praying this today- I got in my car later today, turned the radio off, took a deep breath, and then I sang. I didn't sing because the radio was directing me to, or because I had that 'nevous twitch' that just came out as singing or tapping. I sang because I wanted to, and I really meant what I was singing. It was nice, I like this kind of life!

Leaving My Gift at the Altar

5/31/11 ~ I woke up in a bad mood today. I'm sorry to say it, but I have been upset with a person in my life for a little while, and it all has cumulated over this past week, and all I can think about is how this person is .........(I'll spare you the negativity so it doesn't rub off on you). But it's Tuesday, so I think the fast will take my mind off of this person, at least for a while, and put me in a more positive mood. All day, though, there has been this other sense, that something is not right. In a moment of prayer, I sense the Word of the Lord reminding me of

Matthew 5:23-34 "If you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there at the altar. First, go and be reconciled with your brother, then come and offer your gift."

This verse sweeps over me, and I repentfully (is that a word?) pray, Lord, how can I expect you to hear my prayers and accept my sacrifice of fasting when I harboring such negative feelings towards one of your beloved children? My prayers for today were for relationships to be reconciled. I humble myself and forgave first in my heart, then asked for wisdom on how to reconcile with this person directly. I reminded myself of our commonality in this world, of the unknown struggles this person may be facing, and remembered that Jesus took on a lot of injustice, shame, and  outright cruelty, yet while we were these kind of sinners, He died for us. So even if I am wronged by another- maybe even over and over again, God is not far off and knows this kind of suffering. I am still called to love others with the same everlasting love He showed us.

That's the Way the Cookie Crumbles

5/24/11~ Today I was making cookies for a party I am going to with friends later on tonight. Who doesn't love cookie batter, and fresh cookies right out of the oven (go back and read last week's post and you'll see of course I do!) I knew this would be a struggle but decided that it would be a good challenge to keep my committment even in the face of delicious dessert! So I was baking away and feeling strong against the temptation, when I transfered a cookie from the baking sheet to the cooling rack and a chunk crumbled onto the counter. Without thinking, I instinctively picked it up between my fingers and put it in my mouth. Oh man! Was my fast ruined now? It was totally an accident...but I had to admit it tasted good...so if I broke the fast anyway, I may as well eat a few more right? No, I search my heart and really hear God telling me to

"Take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ." 2 Cor. 10:5

I felt so emotionally swayed to just give up because I had 'broken the rules' of the fast, and the 'consequence' seemed very pleasing- eat cookies! But I pray today that God will give us the strength to turn back to Him even when I do break His rules, and not give in to worldly pleasures that may seem rewarding for now, but moth and rust will eventually destroy. And I pray that we would be wise to know when we are being swept away by emotions, or truly listening for the Spirit of God.

The Scale

5/17/11 ~ I began the day with fastng in the front of my mind, trying to prepare mentally and spiritually for surrendering my thoughts and actions to the Lord and opening myself to listening for Him. Then, before the day really even began, I blew it! After having my second baby, stepping on the scale was a daily ritual for me, so I did the same this morning. I was not entirely disappointed by the number displayed, but then the thought crept into my mind, "just wait, skipping lunch will help me get to my goal weight!" Ugh, now I can't fast- obviously my intentions are impure, God will see only selfishness in my febal offering.

"Am I now trying to win the approval of men or of God. If I were still trying to win the approval of men, I would not be a servant of God" Galations 1:10

My prayer for today's fast was that God would make all of my actions pure for Him, to serve Him better, not to look better to others. For instance, I have a great friend who likes to bake, and bakes well. So whenever we get together, there are always delicious desserts. I have a difficult time holding back from taking a second, third, seventh helping sometmes. I wonder what others think when I grab for more and get embarrassed, but wouldn't it be more pleasing to God to think about what I eat because my body is a temple for the Holy Spirit and He wants me to be healthy instead? So today I am praying and fasting for God to remind me that food does not have control over me, or any human beings who struggle with food-related illnesses. Funny related story, we got an updated picture of our African sponsor child, Janefer, in the mail the other day, and I chuckled to Matt that she looked a little 'chunky'- normally I would never describe anyone like this of course, but what a great testament to the work that Compassion International is doing there, right! To take a girl, who 5 years ago was skinny from hunger, and lead her to a place of fullness- physically and spiritually, is just amazing, and puts food into perspective.

Hunger pains/pangs

Like the taco bell commercial, I don't know which is truly the correct word to use, but today I was hungry...literally had pains, or pangs. I know, it sounds logical during a fast, but for the past weeks I have tried to 'prepare' for Tuesday lunch fasts by eating a big breakfast and drinking water throughout the day. I guess I never realized that by doing these things I was actually trying to keep away any negative feelings of hunger.

My verse for today was... "If anyone is to come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me, will save it" Matthew 16:25 I reminded myself that sometimes following Christ requires sacrifice, so I searched myself to see if I was willing to sacrifice food to the point of actually causing hunger. This made me think of our neighbor who has been borrowing our car for about a month because hers recently died. Living in a small town with great public transportation, we have little need for this second vehicle, so it is usually not much sacrifice to offer this to her. But when Matt was finishing up his dissertation, there were days he needed to run into school, or the library, or to a place of quiet, and it would be gone. So then, when it actually caused our lives to be affected, were we as quick to still give to another?

My prayer today... is for our neighbor to be able to save up for and afford a new car. We love you Linda, and know that God loves you. You have blessed our lives in many ways and pray that our Lord and provider would provide you with reliable transportation to stay in touch with your family!

By Prayer and Fasting; A Beginning

Matthew 17: 14-20 tells of a boy with epilepsy who is brought to Jesus' disciples, but they could not cure him. Jesus asks for the boy to be brought to Him, He rebukes the demon, and the boy is healed 'from that very hour.' When the disciples ask Jesus why they could not cast out this demon, Jesus says, "Because of your unbelief; for assuredly I say to you, if you have faith as a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there', and it will move; and nothing will be impossible for you. However, this kind does not go out exept by prayer and fasting."

I remember this verse coming to mind one time while flying over the Atlantic Ocean and jokingly saying to a mountain below, 'move'! I trusted that if God said it could happen, that it could, hoped that I had faith as small as a mustard seed, but how could I if even the disciples were unable to muster up this much?

But this blog is not about me spouting commands to creation en route to vacation! Recently this verse has come to mind because I feel like there are a lot of mountains that need to be moved- in the world, in my life, in the lives of others. Like the disciples, I want to be Christ's hands and feet to heal, bring hope, and truth. I don't believe that Jesus was annoyed the boy had to be brought to Him, but He tells the discples that there is something powerful about prayer and fasting and in John 14 that 'Whoever believes in me will do the works that I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." I started thinking, what 'mountains' can be moved, or what 'demons' could be cast out by Christ's power in me, so that The Father may be glorified?

So I decided to start praying and fasting- REALLY praying and fasting. Every Tuesday I would skip lunch (I love food, ok, so I decided to start small), and dedicate that time to prayer. I admit the decision about day and time was largely out of convenience since I only work a half day on Tuesdays, finish up paperwork during my lunch, go right home to watch our children, so it is often difficult to get lunch in any way. Still, since committing myself to this seemingly small discipline, many different struggles have presented themselves. I thought that recording and sharing them may help myself and others as we seek to follow and be used by Christ to move mountains By Prayer and Fasting.