The Most Intimate Time of Prayer Ever

So beore I get anyone's hopes up too high, I have to admit that the I prayed for the title of this blog, for my prayer time to be 'the most intimate time of prayer ever', but I don't know if it actually was. I finished reading "Crazy Love" last week, and Francis Chan said in the last chapter that he often prays this, and to be honest, I thought it was a little 'over the top', 'romanticized', etc. But he explains further that our relationship with God will not become any deeper if we A- do nothing, or B- expect the same things we always have, and do the same things we always do. I hope that if I pray this more, and actually yearn for it, I will be able to report each prayer time being the most intimate yet! I have seen lots of good fruit from these Tuesdays of prayer and fasting, but it may already be a little bit of a 'habit' in the sense that I am doing something out of devotion- (which is important!), but not expecting to be changed. Our church is doing a series with many other partner churches in our city, to Connect, Serve, and Invite (CSI- no relation to the show). Connect with God, connect with others, serve in small and large ways, Invite them into our lives, homes, churches. So I thought about these two concepts this morning preparing for a play date with a neighbor. Did I expect that our relationship would stay the same after today, or would I intentially try to learn more about her, care more about her and her family, develop a deeper relationship, look for some way I could serve her?

The Word: "If anyone serves Me, let him follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also." John 12:26

I love the joining of (at least) three ideas here, that in service- to God and others, we are following what he commands, which brings us closer to Him- here on earth now, and in eternity.

Prayer: Praise God for the ways relationships have blessed us and opened up opportunities for us to bless others, and prayer for intentionally seeking deeper relationships to produce closeness with God and opportunity to connect with and serve others.

Food Story: Same story as the last play date with this friend, she planned a super fun food craft, that we would then eat for lunch- how could I say no! I will not have any more snacks this afternoon, but I am also choosing to fast from taking a nap (which I was really feeling would be nice in the sun-shiny February day), desiring instead to pray, journal, read, strive for closeness in relationships!

Being the 'Prodigal' Father

Sometimes on Tuesdays I feel a real sense of urgency about certain prayer requests, other times I trust that even if I don't feel an urgency, that praying is still needed for me and others. Sometimes the things I pray about are specific, and other times they are more general. Today I am a little torn as to which categories my prayer will fall into. I  recently read a perspective on the story of the prodigal son, and something new stuck out to me. When the older brother complains to his father about the banquet, his father says to him:

The Word: "Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours." Luke 15:31

In the book I was reading, the author comments that the older brother was seeing himself as a slave, recounting all of the ways he has served his father, been faithful to his father, etc. Although I am sure the father was happy with all of these things, he reminds him of his true position- "Son", and that he did not have to work for that which was freely given to him out of love. Being a parent now, this comment challenged my feelings towards my children- do I expect my children to earn my love- by listening, obeying, having a good attitude, helping out (yes, even at ages 3 and 2), or do I have this unconditional, overflowing love this father has even as his son complains to him? So I say that I don't know exactly how to feel about praying because I do feel a great sense of urgency in the need to love in the way God our Father demonstrates, but I know the need to pray will continue as I strive to truly have a more loving heart, not just display more loving actions. In addition, this prayer is pretty specific about how I want to love others, but there are so many ways to love different people in my life that it takes some thought as to how I can really feel like they are always with me, and offer all I have to them.

Prayer:  To truly understand how to and live as this Father did where I can say "you are always with me, and all that I have is yours."

Food Story: We had some friends over for lunch today, and when I first began fasting this situation would have caused me to overthink my plans, motivations, etc. so that I did not appear self righteous, insensitive, or just plain weird. But today the thought was very fleeting and I set about making and serving lunch to everyone, focusing on the relationships and conversation at hand. No one even seemed to notice my place at the table was bare (my daughter usually does). I didn't care that no one noticed, and I feel like I would not have cared much if people did. This fasting is a matter of my heart and God's work in and through me and the world- not a matter of me towards others. It is a good reminder to have an answer ready for the times when someone will ask what fasting is all about, but for today I am enjoying communing with God without all of the worry.

Praying about Praying

This past week I have actually started to write an e-mail to our friends and family about our hopes, thoughts, and questions about adoption, and I started reading a book about adoption. It had some great suggestions for prayer at the beginning of the process. So I decided to start with these during my prayer time today, but also felt like I needed to be praying for friends and family around me, because others have big things going on in life too that only God's Spirit can truly work out. Even though I believe and have experienced the power of prayer and the Holy Spirit many times, I know I still do not commit to prayer as I should. When I tell someone else or myself that I will pray for something, I want to follow through- not for people's perception of me, or for my own righteousness, but to remind myself  and others of our need for one another as a body working together for Christ, and as branches being sustained only by the vine.  I was looking for some new verses about prayer, and Biblegateway produced this one:

The Word: "Pray Continually," 1 Thessalonians 5:17 (If you've already memmorized '"esus Wept", try this one!)

Prayer: That prayer would be a driving force in our lives, for ourselves, for others, the world- in good times and bad. And taking to the time to tell others I am praying for them.

Food Story: Last night  our Life Group was cancelled because of multiple illnesses and ominous weather, so we had a quiet, relaxing night. But i nstead of really enjoying it, I kept thinking about how ice cream would really make the night more enjoyable. I ended up walking to the grocery store across the street at 9:45 pm, convincing myself I really needed to go to get Matt some more yogurt for his lunch tomorrow :) Matt and I were both honestly disappointed that it was a satisfying as I hoped it would be- I want to be satisfied without food, argh! But today, after a great morning exercising and playing with the kids, the idea of a McDonald's diet coke popped into my head. I have significantly cut back since focusing on our budget! I checked myself to make sure my motives were good, and the overwhelming feeling was that the day had been so wonderful, a diet coke would just add more joy and energy to the day.  This has still been the case so far this afternoon, not a dstraction or crutch, but increased joy! (Still sounds a little sad, but every good and perfect gift is from God, right?!)

Feeling Powerful

I think this is an ironic title to choose compared to last week's, but I do beleive both concepts can be true- weakness (reliance on God), and strength.  The topic that kept coming to mind in thought and prayer comes from reading the book "Parent Talk" by Chic Moorman, and is the general idea that what we tell our children, both intentionally and uninetentionally reflects back to them how we see them, and helps them form thoughts about how they see and feel about themselves. I kept thinking that the same concepts apply to ourselves as adults too, that we we say about and to ourselves will form our perception  of who we are, and what we can do. I was looking for evidence for or against this in the Bible, and  the following verses make me think that God wants us to feel strong, rooted, powerful, confident in his love, BECAUSE OF HIS SPIRIT IN US!

The Word:
¹⁶ I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, ¹⁷ so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, ¹⁸ may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, ¹⁹ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
 ²⁰ Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, ²¹ to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:16-21

Matt and I have talked about our 'default mood', like what is our most common responses in various situations. But I think this may be a disservice to ourselves, because while I admit having a short temper and can get anxious about various things, if I tell myself that my default mood is anger or anxiety, I will keep responding that way. I was happy yesterday when I put the kids down for nap time, started to feel anxious about something, and my first instinct was to go pray- I admittedly got a little confused and thought it was Tuesday so I 'should' pray, but I ended up saying to myself, "I am a pray-er". And I hope that when other situations arise, I will continue to respond that way!

Prayer:
That if anything is holding me (or you) back from serving God fully, serving and loving others fully, that we would feel the Holy Spirit's power in us to overcome any obstacles.

Getting Weaker

This week, Matt and I have a third child in our house. She is our neice, so of course we will treat her like family, but we are praying that in this time we are actually being open to God changing our hearts to treat any child who may come nto our home as family- especially in the sense of adoption. There have already been a number of logisctical difficulties to sort through as far as sleeping arrangements, vehicle seating arrangements, etc. And we are thinking of the unseen difficulties that may be present too, like how much we should expect the child to fit into our routine, or adapt to theirs, how our means of discipline affect the child differently than what they are used to,etc. Before the end of the first day, all of this stressed me out a little, and we hadn't even unpacked from Christmas/New Year's vacation yet. Some times I think that I could serve God better if I were not so stressed, so I should not take on these kinds of ventures. Then I remembered some questions in the book "Crazy Love", "Are you doing anything in life that you have to rely on God for" and "Would my life be different if I didn't believe in God". Considering these questions and desiring the answers to be 'yes', I delight in this new challenge, and whatever joys or struggles it brings. This verse came to mind to help me remember that life is about growing to know, love, and serve God more and more each day, and all that I experience has the potential to work towards that end.

The Word:
" My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. " 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Prayer:
To delight in hardhsips as opportunities to rely more on God, stay focused on the eternal joys present all around me.