7-26-11 Yay, it's Tuesday and I'm actually posting about the fast today- hopefully this is the start of a good habit. I pray that it will honestly help me to process and deepen the cries of my heart, increase connection with the Spirit, and refocus my attention on Him no matter what the rest of the day has held. To be honest, this afternoon was quite busy and there were still a lot of details I needed to take care of associated with our move, but this morning, before I actually missed a meal, before hunger set it, I felt the presence of the Spirit. I prayed early in the morning about what to focus my prayers and thoughts on today, and I sensed the Lord saying to me
"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10
When I started this discipline of fasting, I had this sense that I was accomplishing something. I am the type of person who weighs the pros and cons of even the smallest tasks before completing them. ie.should I pick up that toy? It will take a lot of energy and muscle to bend over and get it, will I likely step on it later today, will it hurt if I step on it, will it be a good lesson for my daughter to pick it up instead, she's going to be up soon and then there will just be more toys.....and on. So according to my personality, I must think that I, the world, or God am benefting more than the costs of my fasting, so it is worthwhile. But I was struck by this verse and reminded of a book title a pastor once described in a sermon- Prayer: A Royal Waste of Time. We are so rushed as human beings today that it seems logical to cut out any unnecessary activity, but I sensed today that God just wanted me today- just to spend time with me, for me to think about Him, see Him in the world, in others. I felt such joy and freedom in this, so my prayer today is simply acknowledging and praising God in and for all things.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Prayer in PA
7/19/11 ~ I apologize if all of my posts today have been confusing and/or annoying. The story is that when I decided to start this Blog, I was finishing up work, packing to move, and moving, so I wrote down my experiences on paper (old school, I know) and am now settled in, transferred everything here, and am recommitting myself to actually post every Tuesday (at least I'll try!). So my family moved to PA, and there are a lot more mountains here than in southern Michigan, so this verse from Micah really stood out to me.
"The mountains melt beneath him, the valleys split apart" Micah 1:4
During the sermon at church this past Sunday, the pastor described that phenomenon when you get a new car and then start to see that kind of car everywhere, and how doing the same thing with God can increase our gratefulness. This verse started helping me notice things like the mountains and valleys- and how much greater still God is. Today's prayers during my fast were centered around noticing anything and everything I could to praise God for His works, His faithfulness, His love, anything.
"The mountains melt beneath him, the valleys split apart" Micah 1:4
During the sermon at church this past Sunday, the pastor described that phenomenon when you get a new car and then start to see that kind of car everywhere, and how doing the same thing with God can increase our gratefulness. This verse started helping me notice things like the mountains and valleys- and how much greater still God is. Today's prayers during my fast were centered around noticing anything and everything I could to praise God for His works, His faithfulness, His love, anything.
Not About Me
So far the majority of my posts have been about things that I have experienced or thought about while fasting one meal each week. I have liked that they often come out funny, that I really am learning more about myself and my Lord, but today I was praying for such an important issue on my heart, that nothing really stuck out that affected me.
"He must become greater, I must become less" John 3:30
Today reminded me of what I guess I have always known, but rarely like to admit- life is not about me. Do I really love other people enough to pray for them selflessly all day and not worry about my own hunger, or temptations, or discomfort, or schedule. My prayer is for an important broken relationship in my family, that I know only God's intervention can mend. I was reminded that really God is directing everything and everyone for His purposes. May His will be done in this relationship, but I pray that I would continue in the spirit of caring more about Him and His will than me.
"He must become greater, I must become less" John 3:30
Today reminded me of what I guess I have always known, but rarely like to admit- life is not about me. Do I really love other people enough to pray for them selflessly all day and not worry about my own hunger, or temptations, or discomfort, or schedule. My prayer is for an important broken relationship in my family, that I know only God's intervention can mend. I was reminded that really God is directing everything and everyone for His purposes. May His will be done in this relationship, but I pray that I would continue in the spirit of caring more about Him and His will than me.
Sing a New Song
If you know me, you know I like to sing. I sing at church, for weddings, in the shower, maybe karaoke, stuff like that. And like many other people, I like to sing in the car to the radio. I was in and out of the car a lot today, running errands like crazy before work, after work, trying to get my kids picked up on time, all of that. I realized that I was rushing from one thing to another, being distracted, and not focused on any type of prayer or devotion today- even when I got into the car, the radio would immediately begin and I would start singing along out of habit, maybe tapping my hands nervously on the steering wheel (but to the beat of course). This kind of life is really exhausting- I don't think this is how God wants me to live.
"Look out not only for your own interests, but for the interests of others" Philippians 2:4
If I had seen anyone in need today, though I doubt I really saw anyone, I probably would have said to myself, 'any other time, God, but I am really in a hurry today'. The thing is, this is my life most days, so when would I have time to see other's needs and respond to them as God's body? My prayers today focused on simplifying life. I prayed for God to remind me that my worth is not defined by how much I get done in a day, how to prioritize, and set reasonable expectations so that my daily schedule leaves plenty of time to look out not only for my own interests, but for the interests of others. One other funny thing happened after praying this today- I got in my car later today, turned the radio off, took a deep breath, and then I sang. I didn't sing because the radio was directing me to, or because I had that 'nevous twitch' that just came out as singing or tapping. I sang because I wanted to, and I really meant what I was singing. It was nice, I like this kind of life!
"Look out not only for your own interests, but for the interests of others" Philippians 2:4
If I had seen anyone in need today, though I doubt I really saw anyone, I probably would have said to myself, 'any other time, God, but I am really in a hurry today'. The thing is, this is my life most days, so when would I have time to see other's needs and respond to them as God's body? My prayers today focused on simplifying life. I prayed for God to remind me that my worth is not defined by how much I get done in a day, how to prioritize, and set reasonable expectations so that my daily schedule leaves plenty of time to look out not only for my own interests, but for the interests of others. One other funny thing happened after praying this today- I got in my car later today, turned the radio off, took a deep breath, and then I sang. I didn't sing because the radio was directing me to, or because I had that 'nevous twitch' that just came out as singing or tapping. I sang because I wanted to, and I really meant what I was singing. It was nice, I like this kind of life!
Leaving My Gift at the Altar
5/31/11 ~ I woke up in a bad mood today. I'm sorry to say it, but I have been upset with a person in my life for a little while, and it all has cumulated over this past week, and all I can think about is how this person is .........(I'll spare you the negativity so it doesn't rub off on you). But it's Tuesday, so I think the fast will take my mind off of this person, at least for a while, and put me in a more positive mood. All day, though, there has been this other sense, that something is not right. In a moment of prayer, I sense the Word of the Lord reminding me of
Matthew 5:23-34 "If you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there at the altar. First, go and be reconciled with your brother, then come and offer your gift."
This verse sweeps over me, and I repentfully (is that a word?) pray, Lord, how can I expect you to hear my prayers and accept my sacrifice of fasting when I harboring such negative feelings towards one of your beloved children? My prayers for today were for relationships to be reconciled. I humble myself and forgave first in my heart, then asked for wisdom on how to reconcile with this person directly. I reminded myself of our commonality in this world, of the unknown struggles this person may be facing, and remembered that Jesus took on a lot of injustice, shame, and outright cruelty, yet while we were these kind of sinners, He died for us. So even if I am wronged by another- maybe even over and over again, God is not far off and knows this kind of suffering. I am still called to love others with the same everlasting love He showed us.
Matthew 5:23-34 "If you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there at the altar. First, go and be reconciled with your brother, then come and offer your gift."
This verse sweeps over me, and I repentfully (is that a word?) pray, Lord, how can I expect you to hear my prayers and accept my sacrifice of fasting when I harboring such negative feelings towards one of your beloved children? My prayers for today were for relationships to be reconciled. I humble myself and forgave first in my heart, then asked for wisdom on how to reconcile with this person directly. I reminded myself of our commonality in this world, of the unknown struggles this person may be facing, and remembered that Jesus took on a lot of injustice, shame, and outright cruelty, yet while we were these kind of sinners, He died for us. So even if I am wronged by another- maybe even over and over again, God is not far off and knows this kind of suffering. I am still called to love others with the same everlasting love He showed us.
That's the Way the Cookie Crumbles
5/24/11~ Today I was making cookies for a party I am going to with friends later on tonight. Who doesn't love cookie batter, and fresh cookies right out of the oven (go back and read last week's post and you'll see of course I do!) I knew this would be a struggle but decided that it would be a good challenge to keep my committment even in the face of delicious dessert! So I was baking away and feeling strong against the temptation, when I transfered a cookie from the baking sheet to the cooling rack and a chunk crumbled onto the counter. Without thinking, I instinctively picked it up between my fingers and put it in my mouth. Oh man! Was my fast ruined now? It was totally an accident...but I had to admit it tasted good...so if I broke the fast anyway, I may as well eat a few more right? No, I search my heart and really hear God telling me to
"Take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ." 2 Cor. 10:5
I felt so emotionally swayed to just give up because I had 'broken the rules' of the fast, and the 'consequence' seemed very pleasing- eat cookies! But I pray today that God will give us the strength to turn back to Him even when I do break His rules, and not give in to worldly pleasures that may seem rewarding for now, but moth and rust will eventually destroy. And I pray that we would be wise to know when we are being swept away by emotions, or truly listening for the Spirit of God.
"Take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ." 2 Cor. 10:5
I felt so emotionally swayed to just give up because I had 'broken the rules' of the fast, and the 'consequence' seemed very pleasing- eat cookies! But I pray today that God will give us the strength to turn back to Him even when I do break His rules, and not give in to worldly pleasures that may seem rewarding for now, but moth and rust will eventually destroy. And I pray that we would be wise to know when we are being swept away by emotions, or truly listening for the Spirit of God.
The Scale
5/17/11 ~ I began the day with fastng in the front of my mind, trying to prepare mentally and spiritually for surrendering my thoughts and actions to the Lord and opening myself to listening for Him. Then, before the day really even began, I blew it! After having my second baby, stepping on the scale was a daily ritual for me, so I did the same this morning. I was not entirely disappointed by the number displayed, but then the thought crept into my mind, "just wait, skipping lunch will help me get to my goal weight!" Ugh, now I can't fast- obviously my intentions are impure, God will see only selfishness in my febal offering.
"Am I now trying to win the approval of men or of God. If I were still trying to win the approval of men, I would not be a servant of God" Galations 1:10
My prayer for today's fast was that God would make all of my actions pure for Him, to serve Him better, not to look better to others. For instance, I have a great friend who likes to bake, and bakes well. So whenever we get together, there are always delicious desserts. I have a difficult time holding back from taking a second, third, seventh helping sometmes. I wonder what others think when I grab for more and get embarrassed, but wouldn't it be more pleasing to God to think about what I eat because my body is a temple for the Holy Spirit and He wants me to be healthy instead? So today I am praying and fasting for God to remind me that food does not have control over me, or any human beings who struggle with food-related illnesses. Funny related story, we got an updated picture of our African sponsor child, Janefer, in the mail the other day, and I chuckled to Matt that she looked a little 'chunky'- normally I would never describe anyone like this of course, but what a great testament to the work that Compassion International is doing there, right! To take a girl, who 5 years ago was skinny from hunger, and lead her to a place of fullness- physically and spiritually, is just amazing, and puts food into perspective.
"Am I now trying to win the approval of men or of God. If I were still trying to win the approval of men, I would not be a servant of God" Galations 1:10
My prayer for today's fast was that God would make all of my actions pure for Him, to serve Him better, not to look better to others. For instance, I have a great friend who likes to bake, and bakes well. So whenever we get together, there are always delicious desserts. I have a difficult time holding back from taking a second, third, seventh helping sometmes. I wonder what others think when I grab for more and get embarrassed, but wouldn't it be more pleasing to God to think about what I eat because my body is a temple for the Holy Spirit and He wants me to be healthy instead? So today I am praying and fasting for God to remind me that food does not have control over me, or any human beings who struggle with food-related illnesses. Funny related story, we got an updated picture of our African sponsor child, Janefer, in the mail the other day, and I chuckled to Matt that she looked a little 'chunky'- normally I would never describe anyone like this of course, but what a great testament to the work that Compassion International is doing there, right! To take a girl, who 5 years ago was skinny from hunger, and lead her to a place of fullness- physically and spiritually, is just amazing, and puts food into perspective.
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