A Quiet Home

Our children are with my parents this week so that I can go with our youth group to camp. I have a few days until I leave, so it is very quiet today. Many times on Tuesday afternoons I have prayed for longer nap times, no interruptions, etc. but have more recently become content with whatever the day brings and listen for God speaking to me in other ways rather than the silence. So even though I am extremely grateful for the quietness of today, it has been a while since I have listened for an extended period of time without any other noise or activity, and I don't know that I heard much. I am trusting that God can speak to my spirit even without my knowledge, and pray that our relationship can grow despite times of 'awkward' silence in our communication :) Since I did not feel like I was hearing/saying much, I just meditated on being thankful for life in general- my life, my husband's, my children, family, friends.

The Word:
"Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the cty, the guards stand watch in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat- for He grants sleep to those he loves. Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him." Psalm 127:1-3

Even though I usually think about that last verse in terms of women who are trying/just become pregnant, I also thought of myself as being a reward. God created me for the opportunity to show the world more of Him and give Him glory. Psalm 127 reminds me that whatever I do- spending time in silence, serving some other person, cleaning the house- I get to live as Christ's reward if He is in all that I do.

Prayer:
Thank you, God, for creating me for a purpose. I want you to be in everything I do because with you there are true rewards of life, peace, hope, fullness, and freedom.

Being Thankful

I have been happily surprised by the book I am reading: "One Thousand Gifts". I thought, "How could a person fill a whole book with just a list of 1,000 things?" But the book is more of a journey to seek a more thankful attitude. She states early on her reason for writing a list is that naming the blessings of God is a way of receiving them and giving thanks for them. She also points out that Paul said , "I have learned the secret to being content in all things...." that it takes a process of learning and some work to be thankful and content. One final example that stuck out to me was the story of the 10 lepers that Jeusus cleansed. One returns and gives thanks to Jesus and He responds, "Go, your faith has made you well". Jesus doesn't just cure him of his leprosy, he gives him an opportunity for a miraculous encounter with the living God and healing for eternity. The reason he got to experience all of this was because he had a thankful heart- thankfulness preceeded the miracle. How many times do I forget to express thankfulness for a prayer or desire answered or abundant blessing, and even more so, how many times do I give thanks even before one of these is bestowed?

The Word: "And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17

This blog, the same as making a list, is my way of receiving and being thankful for God revealing Himself to me in different ways, for bringing his Word to us, and recommitting parts of myself He has shown me that have strayed. I am interested in also making one of these lists some time- it just sounds like fun and a great way to appreciate God in the ordinary and extraordinary things in life.

Prayer: God, I pray that with every action, response, or request I make, that I will remember and focus on your faithfulness and be overwhelmed by a sense of gratitude that drives my whole being.

For Freedom

Today has been one of those really great days so far, I am feeling extra grateful for all of the blessings in our lives, filled with the Spirit in loving, being patient, etc. On top of that, I am not even feeling very hungry. So as I was praying I thought maybe I should bring to God some additional sacrifice, you know, to make sure I was really suffering through this afternoon :) Quickly after this thought, the Spirit convicted me with a verse we studied at Life Group last night and reminding me that this was not about me going hungry, me feeling like I am righteously giving up something important, or suffering.

The Word
For "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not be burdened by a yolk of slavery" Galations 5:1

We talked about many examples last night where we can see ourselves being enslaved by ideas, practices, requirements, etc. that God has freed us from, but today this verse struck on a very literal tone with me. Just as the sabbath is a gift to man, so is this quiet time where God promises that He will come and meet me when I seek Him. Today I was able to also be in prayer for friends in other countries where it really does appear outwardly that they are enslaved as followers of Christ, but inwardly they know they possess the whole world and more. So instead of coming up with my own forced, superficial sacrifices, I am resting in the freedom I have to worship God here in the US and thanking Him for a beautiful day as his child in His creation!

Prayer
God, please continue to search me and make me aware of how I am enslaved by things of this world or demands I may try and place on myself. Transform me and renew my mind to focus only on you.

Visiting a Cemetery

A friend of mine from MI, who studies genealogy as a hobby, found that some relatives of hers are buried in a cemetery here in PA and asked if I would go and take pictures of the gravestones for her. My first thoughts were that it was kind of a weird request, sounds creepy just to go wandering around a cemetery, and how hard it would be to actually find the grave stones! But today beng the day after Memorial Day seemed like the best day of any to give it a try and it turned out to be a great experience. The park was decorated more than I presume is usual because they held a Memorial Day service, plenty of flags and fresh flowers brightened up the nicely kept green lawn. A lady in the office and a gardener helped us find the plots and we did some crayon rubbings of a couple beautiful features on some of the gravestones. My daughter asked if my friend's relatives were sleeping there, and of course this prompted a good discussion about death- how we all will die, only God knows how long we have to live, and that God wants us to love Him and love others as much as possible before that happens. This visit inspired my reading for some meditation time today, I bet you can guess in what book- Ecclesiastes! Here are my chapter titles and some of the main verses that stuck out to me:

The Word:
The Vanity of Life, The Grief of Wisdom, The Vanity of Pleasure, The End of the Wise and the Fool, Everything Has It's Time, Injustice Seems to Prevail, The Vanity of Selfish Toil, The Value of a Friend, Popularity Passes Away, Fear God, Keep Your Vows, The Canity of Gain and Honor, The Value of Practical Wisdom, Obey Authorities for God's Sake, Death Comes to All, Wisdom Superior to Folly, The Value of Diligence, Seek God Early in Life....."Go and eat your bread with joy, And drink your wine with a merry heartl For God has already accepted your works." Ch. 9:7 "Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun...Whatever your hand finds to do, do it wtih your might" 9: 9-10

Even just these titles help my persepctive shift to where it should be- on the eternal, while valuing each day as a gift and joy to live in the knowledge and love of our Savior.

Prayer:
When I feel like grumbling about temper tantrums, spills, dirt, miscommunication, God please help me to remember that life is really too short not to love!

Food Story: I really felt the pull of temptation again already today to just stop and get an amazing McDonald's diet coke, or eat the chips and cookie left over from yesterday's bbq. Again I know it's not about denying myself for my own righteousness, but seriously life is too short to care SO much about eating unhealthy (albeit delicious) foods, I am more excited to spend so much time listening for an praying on the things of God, as if this were my last day living :)

Back on for Tuesdays

I am currently reading "The Cost of Discipleship" by Dietrich Bonhoeffer, and wouldn't you know that some things about fasting stuck out to me: customs such as fastng "have only one purpose- to make disciples more ready and cheerful to accomplish those things which God would have done. Fasting helps to discipline the self-indulgent and slothful will which is so reluctant to serve the Lord...When the flesh is satisfied it is hard to pray with cheerfulness or to devote one-self to a life of service which calls for much self-renunciation." Fasrinf has not helped me feel more self-righteous, but rather more aware of my self-indulgent nature and the need to eradicate it- on at least a weekly basis. I would love to say that switching to a more spontaneous fast when needs arose, but I found too many excuses and probably passed up many opportunities to draw nearer to God's heart in praying for needs of others.

I understand some might see this as heaping up duties or rules on myself, but really I have just been missing that closeness, hungering, and other-centered focus I felt during the months of regular prayer and fasting. And writing in this blog was also a great way to make sure I was actually listening and taking time to think about what God was revealing to me, and be able to go back and be reminded regularly of these things.

I am expecting God will make Himself known to me even more deeply when I seek Him with all my heart. I am looking forward to next Tuesday!

A long time

So as evidenced by the posting dates, it has been a while since I fasted. Last week was the first time I actually thought about something and someone to pray and fast for. I did not eat lunch that day, but I spent very little time listening or praying and did not take the time to process the day by blogging about it, which I saw after stopping really helped me internalize what I heard from the Spirit. I knew inadvance that this week a family member was going to have an extremely difficult day and planned to pray and fast for her to feel the comfort and presence of the Lord. When the day rolled around, I am ashamed to say that I made up a bunch of excuses not to follow through with it, the strongest one being I just didn't feel like it. At the end of the day I remembered part of our Sunday's sermon ringing in my head, about how Moses could have missed an amazing experience with God when he saw the burning bush... ("Oh, that's interesting, I will see if it's still burning when i walk back by here next") It wasn't so much that I felt guilty about not praying and fasting, because that's not what it's about, but I do think that I missed an encounter with God, and an opportunity to draw closer to family. So I am writing now to recommitt myself and turn from apathy and other excuses. It is crazy how quickly I can slip back into caring more about myself than sacrificing for someone else, or just going about with my day without thinking of others. I know God will bring an opportunity soon, be back any day now!

A New Calling

Last week a few things happened that have changed the way I plan to go about prayer and fasting in the future- at least for a little while :)

First, one of my closest friends texted me on Thursday morning that she was preparing for a surgery later that afternoon and was not allowed to eat or drink anything until almost dinner time. It would be a long day for her not only because of an empty stomach, but also because the surgery had the potential to affect her future to bear children or not. My heart ached for her, and a simple prayer did not seem sufficient. I thought how appropraite a time of prayer and fasting would be- we would be brought together in 'suffering' without food, and 'suffering' together in prayer for this upcoming surgery. I ended up talking myself out of it because I had just fasted two days before, had prayed for this friend and her situation, and I knew that she is is such a beloved child of God, I'm sure He is watching over her already. How sad, right? I know I missed an opportunity to experience God deeply that day, to experience the Church really being the church in bearing each other's burdens, and showing the love of God to a friend.

Second, I have been praying a lot about how God could use me to show love to other children in our neighborhood. Some of them seem especially starved of attention, have not learned respect for others or themselves, do not have the opportunities our children have for fun and interaction. I admit that these have been the reasons I find myself being judgemental, annoyed, and avoid the playground if there are many children. I continually repent of this attitude, and have made some committments like not talking on the phone while outside, really trying to learn the kid's names, personalities, and show them how special they are. After only a short time of praying and committing to this, an older girl from the neighborhood invited us over to her house for a playdate. I felt a little weird about because she was 8 and my daughter is 3, and I did not know anything about her home or family. We went anyway and ended up having some great interactions with her and her parents. This girl invited herself over for dinner, then to church with us on Sunday (her first time ever being at church :), and for lunch after church on Sunday. After each one of these encounters, I sighed a little bit and said, 'whew', thanks God for that opportunity- now I am happy to go back to my own home, own family, own plans. But when this sweet little girl innocently continued to invite herself over, I got a little panicky, thinking about how we would feed another mouth, rearrange our dinner table or car, or deal with the heightened energy level....silly, I know.

In both of these situations and more, God has been helping me understand that when I committ to following him, He will direct me to serve and love others in His time, not mine. I am thankful for the time I spent fasting on a regular basis because I felt the joy of being in God's presence, experiencing His heart as I joined Him in prayer for others and our world. I have been learning to put others before myself, deny my own needs, and remember that I do not live on bread alone. But now that I have understood and experienced fasting, instead of keeping a specific day and time, I sense God calling me to watch, wait, and listen for when He is calling me back to this for specific need of others. And if I pray for God to increase my love for others, I need to be prepared to love them where and when God directs, not just when it is convenient and easy for me.

Thank you, God for these experiences with you! I will continue to watch and wait for You, and be obedient to your calls to join in the work you are doing around us. Thank you for equipping me with extra measures of faith to see with Your eyes and feel with Your heart.