A New Calling

Last week a few things happened that have changed the way I plan to go about prayer and fasting in the future- at least for a little while :)

First, one of my closest friends texted me on Thursday morning that she was preparing for a surgery later that afternoon and was not allowed to eat or drink anything until almost dinner time. It would be a long day for her not only because of an empty stomach, but also because the surgery had the potential to affect her future to bear children or not. My heart ached for her, and a simple prayer did not seem sufficient. I thought how appropraite a time of prayer and fasting would be- we would be brought together in 'suffering' without food, and 'suffering' together in prayer for this upcoming surgery. I ended up talking myself out of it because I had just fasted two days before, had prayed for this friend and her situation, and I knew that she is is such a beloved child of God, I'm sure He is watching over her already. How sad, right? I know I missed an opportunity to experience God deeply that day, to experience the Church really being the church in bearing each other's burdens, and showing the love of God to a friend.

Second, I have been praying a lot about how God could use me to show love to other children in our neighborhood. Some of them seem especially starved of attention, have not learned respect for others or themselves, do not have the opportunities our children have for fun and interaction. I admit that these have been the reasons I find myself being judgemental, annoyed, and avoid the playground if there are many children. I continually repent of this attitude, and have made some committments like not talking on the phone while outside, really trying to learn the kid's names, personalities, and show them how special they are. After only a short time of praying and committing to this, an older girl from the neighborhood invited us over to her house for a playdate. I felt a little weird about because she was 8 and my daughter is 3, and I did not know anything about her home or family. We went anyway and ended up having some great interactions with her and her parents. This girl invited herself over for dinner, then to church with us on Sunday (her first time ever being at church :), and for lunch after church on Sunday. After each one of these encounters, I sighed a little bit and said, 'whew', thanks God for that opportunity- now I am happy to go back to my own home, own family, own plans. But when this sweet little girl innocently continued to invite herself over, I got a little panicky, thinking about how we would feed another mouth, rearrange our dinner table or car, or deal with the heightened energy level....silly, I know.

In both of these situations and more, God has been helping me understand that when I committ to following him, He will direct me to serve and love others in His time, not mine. I am thankful for the time I spent fasting on a regular basis because I felt the joy of being in God's presence, experiencing His heart as I joined Him in prayer for others and our world. I have been learning to put others before myself, deny my own needs, and remember that I do not live on bread alone. But now that I have understood and experienced fasting, instead of keeping a specific day and time, I sense God calling me to watch, wait, and listen for when He is calling me back to this for specific need of others. And if I pray for God to increase my love for others, I need to be prepared to love them where and when God directs, not just when it is convenient and easy for me.

Thank you, God for these experiences with you! I will continue to watch and wait for You, and be obedient to your calls to join in the work you are doing around us. Thank you for equipping me with extra measures of faith to see with Your eyes and feel with Your heart.