Sometimes on Tuesdays I feel a real sense of urgency about certain prayer requests, other times I trust that even if I don't feel an urgency, that praying is still needed for me and others. Sometimes the things I pray about are specific, and other times they are more general. Today I am a little torn as to which categories my prayer will fall into. I recently read a perspective on the story of the prodigal son, and something new stuck out to me. When the older brother complains to his father about the banquet, his father says to him:
The Word: "Son, you are always with me, and all that I have is yours." Luke 15:31
In the book I was reading, the author comments that the older brother was seeing himself as a slave, recounting all of the ways he has served his father, been faithful to his father, etc. Although I am sure the father was happy with all of these things, he reminds him of his true position- "Son", and that he did not have to work for that which was freely given to him out of love. Being a parent now, this comment challenged my feelings towards my children- do I expect my children to earn my love- by listening, obeying, having a good attitude, helping out (yes, even at ages 3 and 2), or do I have this unconditional, overflowing love this father has even as his son complains to him? So I say that I don't know exactly how to feel about praying because I do feel a great sense of urgency in the need to love in the way God our Father demonstrates, but I know the need to pray will continue as I strive to truly have a more loving heart, not just display more loving actions. In addition, this prayer is pretty specific about how I want to love others, but there are so many ways to love different people in my life that it takes some thought as to how I can really feel like they are always with me, and offer all I have to them.
Prayer: To truly understand how to and live as this Father did where I can say "you are always with me, and all that I have is yours."
Food Story: We had some friends over for lunch today, and when I first began fasting this situation would have caused me to overthink my plans, motivations, etc. so that I did not appear self righteous, insensitive, or just plain weird. But today the thought was very fleeting and I set about making and serving lunch to everyone, focusing on the relationships and conversation at hand. No one even seemed to notice my place at the table was bare (my daughter usually does). I didn't care that no one noticed, and I feel like I would not have cared much if people did. This fasting is a matter of my heart and God's work in and through me and the world- not a matter of me towards others. It is a good reminder to have an answer ready for the times when someone will ask what fasting is all about, but for today I am enjoying communing with God without all of the worry.
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