Our First 'No'

It's hard for me to even write "Our First 'No'", because it's acknowledges that there might be other times when we say 'no' to a placement call. I had just told someone the other day that I felt good being able to say that even if we never got the chance to have a child in our home, at least we had said yes at multiple steps of the way- when adoption didn't seem right, we said yes to fostering, the first call where a child lived far away, we said yes to the distance, and we said yes to the second call for a child with some medical needs. So when I got this call, I thought maybe God had been helping us wade in the water in preparation for this deep plunge- a child living far away (with parental and sibling visits), and major medical needs. Matt and I talked and very confidently agreed we were not equipped for this child, but I realized it hurt my pride more than anything to say no. So today I am reflecting on and reminding myself that even though this whole process is growing our character more and more, that's not the entire point, and sometimes saying no develops out character too. It's not that we should stick to our list of what we committed to- even though we put parameters on based on wise advise, we should still seek God's counsel before every decision, and I have to face that sometimes the answer will be no.

A New Year, a New Hunger

Wow, it is sad to see my last post being the end of September. I think I convinced myself away from this special time because of my pregnancy and not feeling physically comfortable with missing a meal, but there is no excuse for still not setting aside time for prayer and reflection or fasting from something else. Our pastor inspired my husband and I to renew a commitment to prayer for our world at the start of this new year and to accompany the commitment to prayer with some kind of fast. So instead of skipping a meal, I decided to abstain from sweets during the week- our pastor reminded us that it is not about us making a sacrifice but redirecting something we hunger for in a wrong way, like I do with sweets all of the time. I am also committing to NOT doing something- starting housework and other tasks before having this time of prayer and reflection each day. I may not blog about it every day, but when I don't have my regular women's Bible study, I have not been countable to really reading God's Word, praying, and reflecting. Thank you pastor Dan and the Holy Spirit for this renewal of hungering for closeness to God personally and in our world!
 :)

James 4:7-10
"Submit yourselves to the Lord, resist the devil, and He will flee from you. draw near to God and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you."

It's All Yours God

It has been a few weeks since I have posted, and to be honest, it is because I have not taken much time on Tuesdays to pray because I did feel I had to stop fasting. Right sfter I sat down to write the previous posts since being pregnant, I would get very nauseous, light-headed, and crampy. I tried having little snacks of healthy fruit or something and I don't honestly know if it was a mental or spiritual battle, or simply a physical need. But I made the decision to stop fasting, and unintentionally I stopped setting aside time in the afternoon to really sit in silence and pray. It was almost like I was happy to have 'regained and afternoon for myself'. This weekend as I was praying the Holy Spirit really convicted me that I have poor perspective on time, trust, and priorities. 3 weeks ago, I also started homeschooling our daughter. It is just a quick reading and Bible lesson, writing practice and a craft, but still it was something I was really trying to get established in an orderly way, and if prayer crossed my mind, I probably dismissed it for having too many other things to do. What better lesson, though, to teach my daughter, than setting aside time to pray and seek our Heavenly Father, right! Today she was actually in serious need of a nap, so she is sleeping, but next week I will get back to the committment to prayer, not only for me but to teach and remember that how we spend our time reflects our love.

The Word:
"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also" Matthew 6:21

Prayer:
For trust to know that if we seek His kingdom and His righteousness, all other things will be granted as well. I am also remember our sponsor child Janefer and writing to her today- another one of those things that I say I don't have much time for but is storing up treasures in our home, in Tanzania, and in Heaven.

Do it all With Love

So our town is now filled with tons of students, my daughter is starting pre-school next week, the stores are filled with other children buying new clothes and school supplies, and I am excited to start back up with my weekly women's Bible study, mom's groups, library classes, leading music for the middle school youth group, etc. I had to write out what goals I had for my daughter this school year, and I certainly always think of goals for myself for the coming year. But I was reminded when praying today that no matter how many goals I accomplish, how many new things I learn, etc., it is all meaningless if I do not do them with love.

The Word:
"If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:1-3

It's funny as I type, these match a lot of the 'goals' I set for myself all the time- to learn new languages (tongues)- Spanish and ASL to be more specific, to understand more about the Bible and about our relationship with God, to have more faith, and to be more sacrificial (which will be demanded with another baby entering our lives). But all of these things will not add up to a successful year, it is the love behind these things that please God, the greatest lover of all.

Prayer:
For love to be my motivation behind every attempt to learn more- both about the world and the world to come, serve more, and accomplish more for the Glory of God!

Food Story:
Fasting during pregnancy has still been going ok. I usually have a piece of fruit later in the morning, or just after lunch time, something healthy instead of snacky. I know as I start to show more and more that it will be tempting to think about myself more and more, so this is a good reminder that there are others who have more urgent needs than me.

Thanks for life

At lunch today, my daughter prayed "thank you God for this life, and for this great day..." I just thought it was so sweet and very applicable today because I just heard about a high-schooler committing suicide from our old church, and on the other side being so thankful for the life inside of me after feeling a small movement for the first time.

THE WORD:
"This is what God the LORD says— the Creator of the heavens, who stretches them out, who spreads out the earth with all that springs from it, who gives breath to its people, and life to those who walk on it"
Isaiah 42:5

I was thinking the other night that I was not being very consistent with taking my pre-natal vitamins and how it is strange that with so many laws, so much government oversight, rules from parents, employers, etc...that no one was really keeping me accountable to taking care of this growing baby inside of me. It reminded me that I still have lots of choices about how much to pay attention to things in life, how much to care, how much I value things, and the only person I am accountable to is the Lord, the one who gives breath and life to us all, and knows us before we live one day outside of the womb. I think of this sad situation with the high school girl, and know that she had some really great friends and influences in her life. I don't know any of the bad ones, but there must have been some- be it people, music, tv, computer, I don't know- but there must have been some to have an evil idea in her head to take her own life. (To clarify, I do not think of her as evil in any way, but any thought to take one's own life is evil because our body is a temple of the Holy Spirit and God cares for each life that He created.) We all have positive and negative influences in our lives, and since no one knows our minds and hearts except God, He is the one we are accountable to when we choose which voices to listen to- the voice of truth or the author of lies. I know I believe a lot of lies about myself and my life that are put in my head by someone other than God, and I shouldn't. I need to remember that life is a battle not against flesh and blood, but against spiritual forces (Ephesians 6:12). We don't like to talk about this in the world today, because it sounds really wakko, and makes people uncomfortable to admit what they are really thinking and feeling, but it is the truth, and we need to be prepared- this daughter of the King needed to be strengthened in the battle, but ended up losing her life.

PRAYER:
For Faith's family (terribly sad, ironic name). To continue to feel the same love and value for life that our Creator does, and to know how to empower and uplift one another in daily battles to protect and sanctify our lives for the Lord.

Breaking off from the group

I took some time to pray about and reflect on this past week, having had the opportunity to go back to our old church in MI and serve on a middle school backpacking/city serve trip. I thank God that He connected the young ladies and myself quickly, and sustained me through hiking with the heavy backpack :) Every day on the trip, there was a planned quiet time where everyone would break off and go through a trip devotional, then come back together to discuss how we felt God speaking to us. Coming back home, I was thinking about when Jesus left crowds to go have some time alone with his Father. It wasn't planned, and no one else was doing it. As a person who loves social interaction and hates to miss anything, that would have been, and still is hard for me some times. During the summer, I have not had the same 'homework' from my weekly Bible study or life group that keeps me accountable to making time to specifically listen for and seek God.

THE WORD:
"The Sovereign LORD has given me a well-instructed tongue, to know the word that sustains the weary. He wakens me morning by morning, wakens my ear to listen like one being instructed." Isaiah 50:4

Not that I claim to have already obtained this well-instructed tongue :), but reading it reminds me that the Lord and His instruction can make even the simple, wise. So I will continue to take time to lend my ear and heart to His instruction, even if it means having to separate myself from a group or activity for a time.

PRAYER:
That even in groups, other people's homes, on vacation, wherever I may be, that I would remember it is the Lord who sustains me. Lord, help me remember my need for you and your great lovingkindness to teach me.

In You I Find Rest

We got home from a 5 day trip late last night, which included lots of action packed days, and a broken down car on the way home. The children and I still made it to our life group while my husband finished up important work that was due last night. So you know how those next mornings go right after returning home- piles of laundry, things to put away, catching up on what was missed, planning for the week ahead. It could have been easy again to skip today because it just wasn't the ideal day to take so much time praying, and I was just happy to be home and wanted to enjoy a normal lunch with my children. But I have to remember that sometimes in life things don't come at the perfect time- like a broken down car, death, injuries, other big expenses. In these times it is even more important to take refuge and seek rest in the Lord. I don't have much to report about the topic of my prayers today, just praising God for His goodness and asking Him to reveal Himself to those who do not know Him.

THE WORD: “There is no one like the God of Jeshurun, who rides across the heavens to help you and on the clouds in his majesty. The eternal^. God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms." Deuteronomy 33:26-27

Just a great passage to meditate on, that there is no one God can be compared to, He is present, active, eternal, and wants to be our refuge.

FOOD STORY: I am feeling very weak at this point in the late afternoon, but again don't  feel that my body is in a harmful state. So I am trying to embrace the feeling of weakness to still respond in love to myself and others, because  know there will soon come a time when I am forced to be slower and weaker. The chocolate chip zucchini bread turned out to be delicious by the the way :)